Of Love and Trust
by E. Limberg
Summary: Spoilers for Knockdown.  After Castle and Beckett kiss, he feels guilty about leaving her alone to deal with things and goes to try to help her.  Will she push him away again or continue to let him in?
1. The Kiss

**Of Love and Trust**

**Chapter 1: The Kiss**

Castle walks into the loft, confusion and worry etched on his face.

Alexis looks up from her book. "What's wrong, Dad? Did you catch him? Is she okay?"

"I kissed Beckett."

"What?"

"I kissed her."

"Okay…" she says, wondering why he wasn't happier about this. "How did she feel about it?"

"I… don't know. She didn't say a word after it happened."

"Well… she didn't tell you to stop shadowing her so she probably doesn't completely hate you."

"But she will tomorrow when she comes to her senses."

"Why did you kiss her, Dad?"

"I just wanted to comfort her. Our last lead to the guy that killed her mother led to another dead end; he has escaped again. I thought I'd try to cheer her up, to show her that I wasn't going to leave her."

"I think you just made things worse, Dad."

Castle nods, sitting beside her. "If I don't come home tomorrow, don't be too alarmed. She's probably going to kill me when I show up at the precinct tomorrow."

"Dad… she wouldn't be that cruel."

"Oh yes, she would be. And she could get away with it too. They'd all help her hide my body."

"So let me get this straight? You kissed her and then you left her alone to deal with that on top of the fact that her mother's killer got away from her again?"

"We got the guy who killed her mother last year; this is the guy who hired him to kill her," he tries to clarify.

"Either way, Dad, she's still got a lot to deal with right now. I'm sure you kissing her didn't help things at all."

"I know. It was stupid of me."

"So you should go see her. Talk to her. Help her deal with things. Just don't kiss her again unless you're sure she wants you to."

"No, I should give her space. Besides, I don't want to leave you here alone."

"Gram will be back soon. And I can put myself to bed, Dad. I'm seventeen."

"Are you sure this won't make her hate me even more? Or give her an opportunity to kill me?"

"No, I don't know. But it can't hurt anything to try, can it?" she kisses his cheek. "See you tomorrow."

"Hopefully," he mumbles to himself, heading to the door as his daughter goes upstairs.

**CB**

Castle knocks softly on her door, hoping not to wake her up if she had been sleeping. It isn't long before the door opens. "Hey," he says softly.

She doesn't look at him, "What, Castle?"

"How are you holding up?" he steps into her apartment without being invited, clearly telling her that he isn't going to be leaving any time soon.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." She looks up at him, angry at him for challenging her. "That guy kidnapped Ryan and Esposito; there's no doubt in my mind that he could come for you next. You came to answer the door without your gun, Kate; that's not like you."

"I'm just a little… distracted at the moment. Besides, I doubt anyone wanting to kill me would actually knock on the door."

"I'm sorry, Kate," Rick reaches out to take her hand. "I shouldn't have kissed you earlier. Gina and I just broke up last week, and you're still with the doctor. There was no reason for me to think it would be acceptable. But I wanted you to know that I'm here for you whenever you need me."

"Thanks, Castle. Would you mind… staying? At least for a little bit? I can't stop thinking about everything that's happened, and I'm sure there's no way I'll be sleeping tonight."

"Do you have to go in tomorrow?"

She shakes her head, "Montgomery said he'd fired me if I came in."

"I want to stay here, Kate, but what about your boyfriend? I don't want to complicate things with him."

"He's working all night. And… I don't really care what he thinks." He looks at her questioningly so she continues. "We probably won't be together much longer."

"He's not hurting you or anything, is he?"

"No. I'm just not as happy with him as I was," she says, neglecting to mention that the one who makes her happy is right in front of her. "And we don't see each other that much between his schedule and mine."

"Oh… I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I'm just not very good at relationships."

"You just haven't found the right person yet."

"Maybe…"

"Why don't you go sit down and I'll get us something to drink?" he offers, letting go of her hand. She follows him to the kitchen and jumps onto the counter to watch him. "You know, when I said sit down, I meant on the couch."

"Yeah, well I can't have you snooping around my apartment."

"Is there something in the kitchen you don't want me to find?" he looks around curiously.

Kate gives him a small smile and rolls her eyes. "I'm glad you're here, Castle," she says softly as he fixes hot chocolate.

"So am I." He hesitates before continuing, "You know, I was kind of afraid to come over here. I thought you'd kill me after what I did."

"No… torture you, maybe. But I wouldn't kill you."

"That's reassuring," he grimaces as he hands her a mug. "Maybe I should leave before you can do anything."

"No, you apologized. And to be honest… what you did was sweet. It just was a little overwhelming after everything that had happened."

"So you're not going to ask me to quit following you?"

"Of course not. You can be annoying at times, but I'm thankful that I have you there to keep me from going crazy."

"Are you sure about that? I think I might be making you crazier."

She hits his arm. "Why did you come over? I mean, if you were so afraid of what I'd do to you?"

"I talked to Alexis. She told me to go, that she could take care of herself. I didn't want you to be alone."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you…"

"See? I knew you'd give in eventually. Everyone likes me."

"Or you're just too arrogant to realize that some people don't," she slides off the counter to stand next to him.

He studies her, and she frowns at him, disapproving of whatever he is thinking. "For your information, Detective, I was just wondering when you got so short."

"I don't normally wear my shoes in my apartment."

His eyes trail down her body to find her bare feet. "You should put some socks on."

"My feet are perfectly fine, Castle."

"Until you get sick."

Ignoring him, she goes to sit on the couch. He follows her, of course, leaving little space between them as he sits down. They sit silently, both lost in their thoughts.

"We're going to find him, Kate," he whispers after watching her for a few minutes.

"I don't know, Castle. I'm starting to believe that it won't happen."

"You're going to get him. You're not going to let her down."

"I already have. It's taken eleven years for me to even find him."

"That's not your fault. If the detectives originally on the case would have done their job, he would have been caught a long time ago. You would have had him sooner if it hadn't been for me; you could've gotten Coonan to give him up. But instead you chose to save me."

"I would choose to save you every time, Rick. I need you by my side."

He smiles, "I'm not going anywhere."

She leans in and kisses his cheek, "Thank you. I'm sure this isn't exactly what you were expecting when you started to follow me around."

"Not at all. It's a lot better. At first you were just going to be another woman I got in bed. But now… I gained a great friend. I'm really glad you're so stubborn, Kate, because this is a lot better than just one night together ever would have been."

"If I thought I could give you that one night, Castle, I would. But I don't think we could ever have just one night and go back to normal."

"Why would you do that?"

"To thank you. You've been so patient and understanding throughout this whole case. Most guys would've left."

He takes both of their mugs and sets them on the table, "You don't have to thank me. And especially not like that. I don't want that unless you do. And definitely not just once."

"Castle, you've done so much for me. There has to be something I can do for you."

"Nope. You've done enough. Thanks to you, I have a new best-selling character," he puts his arms around her, pulling her closer to him.

"You sure I can't do anything?"

"Well… I like you, Kate. A lot. And if you feel the same way, I would like you to give me a chance. I know that we really shouldn't work together because we're so different. But… I want to give it a try. If you do."

Kate pulls back slightly to look into his eyes, "Castle… I like you too. A lot. And I want to give us a try, I really do. But I can't do it yet. Josh and I are still together and… you're a big risk. After everything with this case, I don't know if I want to take a risk that big right now. Please… just give me a few months to get everything straightened out in my head."

He smiles, "For you, I think I can wait a few more months."

"Thanks."

"I should probably head home then and let you get some rest," his arms start to pull away from her.

"No," she grabs his wrists. "Please stay tonight. Just… I need someone here. I need you here."

"Okay," he kisses her forehead, settling back down and letting her curl up beside him.

She rests her head on his shoulder, "You're not going to sneak away if I fall asleep?"

"Nope. You're stuck with me."

"Good."

"But if we're going to sleep here, maybe we should lay down."

"Go ahead," she closes her eyes.

Rick carefully adjusts them so that they are lying down, him on his back and her at his side. "Good night, Kate."

"Night, Castle."

He kisses the top of her head and rubs her back soothingly until she is asleep before he allows himself to join her in unconsciousness.

**A/N: I know, another story about what we all can't wait for. Seriously... two weeks. And the had to show the promo last night to get us even more excited. Anyway, this will have four more chapters; three of them are written, the last I hope to get done between classes today. I have midterms this week and really should be studying but... fanfiction is more exciting. I'm going to try to post every three days so that the whole thing is up before that wonderful episode airs. Now that she's said yes, it will happen, I decided to give you a few more scenes until it does happen. So the chapters are connected, but they don't necessarily come immediately after one another; there's maybe supposed to be a few days or a week between them. Thanks for reading. Please tell me what you thought.**


	2. The Breakup

**Chapter 2: The Breakup **

Kate knocks softly on his door, needing to talk to him but not wanting to wake anyone in his house up at the late hour. Castle opens the door shortly after she knocks. "Kate… hey. What are…?" he notices the sad expression on her face, and his voice trails off. "What's wrong?" he asks, gently taking her hand and pulling her inside.

"We broke up."

"I'm sorry," he tries to pull her in for a hug.

"I shouldn't have come over here," she shakes her head. "You probably think I'm a terrible person, telling you that I want to be with you and then being so upset about breaking up with my boyfriend."

"It's okay, Kate. He seemed like a decent guy, and I'm sure you liked him and didn't want to hurt him."

"He broke up with me," she whispers.

"Oh… Kate…" he doesn't know what to do so he embraces her, not letting her refuse this time.

"I was going to break up with him. I just didn't know how to do it; there really wasn't much of a reason for me to break up with him, and I couldn't tell him that it was so I could be with you," she rambles, finally accepting his hug.

"Why did he do it?"

"You." She sighs, and he patiently waits for her to explain. "He was jealous because we spend so much time together. At first it was easy for me to tell him there was nothing going on but… after last week, I couldn't deny it anymore. And he thinks I've been distant for the past few weeks, and I guess I have since I haven't told him about my mother."

"Maybe it's for the best, Kate. That way you didn't have to lie to him."

She nods and pulls back, "Maybe."

He notices her red eyes and the wet streaks on her cheeks. "Do you want something to drink?"

"Water is fine."

While she goes to sit on the couch, he gets a glass of water for her and a box of tissues. She gives him a grateful smile as he sits beside her. "Do you need anything else? We have leftovers from dinner if you're hungry."

"We ate before it happened, but thanks. I'm not… interrupting anything, I am?"

"No, I was just writing," he gestures to the laptop on the table. "Alexis and Mother are already in bed."

"Sorry for distracting you."

He shakes his head quickly, "You're not a distraction. Besides, I kind of got stuck."

"Anything I can help with?"

"Nikki and Rook are fighting, but what I've written just doesn't sound right. I'll come back to it tomorrow and maybe inspiration will strike." They sit silently for a few moments before Castle opens his mouth again, "I'm surprised you didn't go to the precinct to work on the case."

"I didn't want to be alone," she says quietly.

"You can stay tonight if you want. It'd probably be better than driving home."

"I took a cab."

"Oh… well, you can still stay. I've got a guest room," he offers, not wanting her to feel pressured by saying she could stay in his room with him.

She looks at him for a long moment, "Can I stay with you?"

"Sure."

"No funny business?"

"You can handcuff me if you'd like to be sure of that."

"Somehow I think that will just lead to more funny business."

"Then I promise to keep my hands to myself," he says, offering a hand to help her up. She accepts it and allows him to lead her to his bedroom. "You want something more comfortable to sleep in? My stuff will be a little big on you, but I can go up to Alexis's room and get something."

"I'm fine."

"You really want to sleep in jeans?"

"I'm fine," she repeats. "Beside, it'll be harder for you to try anything if I keep them on."

"Not really, Detective. I'm very good at removing clothes," he smirks.

Kate bites her lip nervously, "Castle…"

"Sorry," he quickly realizes his mistake. "I shouldn't have said that."

"It's fine. I want a relationship with you, Castle; I really do. But I'm not ready yet."

"I know. And I'll patiently be waiting for you to be ready."

"Patiently?" she looks skeptical of the words Castle and patience being used together.

"Or not so patiently. But I'll still wait until you're ready. I want to do things right."

"Thanks," she meets his eye. "That means a lot to me."

"I don't want to mess things up, Kate," he leans forward, but she backs away from him.

"Castle…"

"I was just going to kiss your cheek."

"Oh."

"But if you really don't want me to…"

She rolls her eyes, "Fine, Castle. But nothing more."

This time she doesn't pull back when he leans forward. He presses his lips to her skin and puts his arms around her. "Thanks."

"For what?" she whispers back.

"For at least allowing me that much."

While Castle goes to the bathroom to change, she sets the alarm on her phone and gets comfortable in his bed. He comes out, turns the lights off, and climbs in next to her, unsure as to whether he should make some sort of contact with her.

"I'm not going to shoot you, Castle," she finally tells him. He scoots closer to her, and she rests her head on his chest.

"There's… one other thing you should probably know, Kate. Especially if you're still going to be here in the morning."

"What?" she tilts her head to look up at him.

"I… kind of explained the whole situation to Alexis. She asked because she knew I kissed you, and I didn't want to lie to her. I'm sure she won't tell anyone so we can still keep it a secret for however long you want when we actually start dating. But she… may attack you in the morning if you're still here."

"Attack me?" she looks somewhat nervous, and he grins at this.

"Yeah, with a hug. She was pretty excited about it."

"Oh… thanks for the warning I guess." Kate hesitates, "She's not going to think things are actually moving forward with us if I'm here in the morning, will she?"

"At first, probably. But I'll talk to her."

"Won't it be… awkward for her to know that we've slept together?"

"Nothing's happening."

"But still…"

"She's not going to judge you, Kate. You needed a friend. That's all," he rubs soothing circles on her back. "Besides, you're the most acceptable woman I've been with; there's no reason for her to think otherwise."

"Okay…"

"Kate, I don't think there's a thing you could do that would make my daughter not like you. The press, on the other hand…"

"I don't even want to think about that yet, Castle." She closes her eyes, but seconds later lifts her head up to look at him, "Wait, why won't the press like me?"

"Because you're taking away one of New York's most eligible bachelors. And they don't really like anyone; they just like to expose their secrets."

"Great."

"I'm going to do my best to keep them from you, Kate. When you're ready, we'll meet with Paula and discuss the best way to handle things with the press."

"Thank you."

"I want this to be as painless as possible for you."

She smiles, "You and painless don't go together, Castle."

He sighs, "Then what would you say?"

"I appreciate everything you're trying to do to make this easier, Castle, but… I'm a private person. I don't like to share every bit of my life like you do. And it's going to take some getting used to; no matter what you do, that's not going to change."

"I'm starting to regret basing a character on you."

"Really?"

"Well, not the whole getting to follow you around part. But I should've asked you about basing a character off of you. I tried to change things for Nikki but all I can think about when I'm writing is you, and I don't want to change anything."

"Castle…"

"I mean… you're just so extraordinary, and I want to share you with the world. I just want Nikki to do you justice."

Kate gently presses her lips to his in a short sweet kiss.

When she pulls back, he studies her, confused. "What was that for?"

"For being you. You aggravate me so much, but then you can be so thoughtful. Honestly, Castle… Rick, you're one of the most amazing guys I've ever met, and I'm so grateful that I have you in my life."

Rick, unable to stop himself, kisses her again, this one lasting a little longer before he is conscious of what he is doing and pulls away. "Kate… I…"

"Don't say anything, Castle."

"Okay."

She lays her head back down on his chest, curling up against his side once more. "Night, Castle."

"Until tomorrow, Detective." He lightly kisses the top of her head, rubbing patterns on her back again while she falls asleep. Meanwhile he is busy ingraining the past few minutes in his mind forever and coming up with ideas for a love scene between Nikki and Rook in one of his future books.

**A/N: Thanks to those of you who reviewed last chapter; I kind of forgot to reply because I waited until the last minute to study for my two exams for the past couple days. Hope you're all still enjoying this. I'll post chapter 3 Monday sometime. Thanks.**


	3. The Helping Hand

**Chapter 3: The Helping Hand**

"Detective Beckett?"

Kate looks up, "Hey, Alexis."

"Have you seen my dad?"

"He just left to get coffee… ten minutes ago. He should be back soon. He said you were meeting for dinner tonight, but he didn't say you were meeting here first."

"Actually he said something about you coming with us."

"Oh… he… hasn't asked yet, but I have paperwork that needs to get to the DA for tomorrow morning."

"I think he wanted to meet here so that I could try to convince you to go; he seemed to think I'd have a better chance than he did."

"Oh…"

"You were at our place the other night?"

She gives a small nod before standing and gesturing for the teenager to follow her. They go into the break room, and she closes the door. "I was, but it's not what you think."

"Dad explained everything to me. Or almost everything. I just… wanted to let you know that I like you, Detective Beckett, and I think that you and Dad will be good together. I was going to tell you the other morning, but you were already gone. I don't want you to have to worry about me and everything so I just thought I'd tell you this."

"Thanks… for your approval, Alexis. It means a lot to me."

Alexis smiles, "I'd hug you, but you probably don't want that at work. You're a lot different from the women Dad normally dates, and I know dating him is going to be challenging for you because of who he is and all so I thought that I'd try to at least ease one of these challenges for you."

Castle walks in, a cup of coffee for her in hand. "So how's it going?"

"Really, Castle, you sent your daughter to do your dirty work?" Kate glares at him.

"Depends. Are you coming with us to dinner?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I have paperwork, Castle. The DA wants our reports by tomorrow morning."

He glances at Alexis before giving Beckett puppy dog eyes. "Please? We want you to join us."

"No."

"Alexis, help me."

"Sorry, Dad," the teenager shrugs. "She's got work to do."

"How long is it going to take you to finish?" he sighs.

"Maybe half an hour if I'm not interrupted."

"How about Remy's?" Alexis nods. Kate still looks skeptical. "While you finish your paperwork, Alexis and I will walk there. I'll order your usual for you unless you want something different. When you're done, you can drive and meet us there. The food should get there about the same time you do."

"Not with evening traffic."

"We'll walk slowly and window shop. Text me when you're on the way, and we'll wait to order until then."

"Fine, Castle," she gives in. Both Castles grin at her, and she instantly looks wary.

**CB**

"Took you long enough to get here. Did another body drop since you called?" Castle asks as she sits down in the booth beside him.

She glares at him, "Car accident actually. I had to make sure everyone was okay and then wait for uniforms to arrive to take care of it."

"Oh."

The waitress comes over with their food, "Enjoy."

"You didn't have to wait for me."

"Of course we did," Alexis says. "You're part of our family, and we'll always wait for you."

Kate looks down at her plate, not knowing what to say.

He notices her discomfort and tries to change the subject, "So you've got your paperwork in to the DA?"

"It's all ready for him to pick up in the morning."

"And you're free to relax this evening. No cases to think about at all."

She looks at him for a long moment; she did have a case to work on, but they hadn't gotten any leads on her mother's case, meaning it would be put off yet again. "I guess."

"If you want, you could come over. I've got all my homework done so we could do something fun tonight. A movie or game or something," the teenager offers.

"That sounds nice, Alexis, but I really ought to go home. I really need to get some rest, or I might fall asleep at work tomorrow."

"Oh… that wouldn't be good. Maybe some other time we can hang out."

"I have next Saturday off. If you don't have plans, we could do something and get to know each other better."

"I'd like that."

Castle smiles, glad that they are getting along so well, "Can I come?"

"No," they both say at once.

He pouts, "Why not?"

"Because we've both already bonded enough with you," Kate smiles.

"Well… can I take you two out to dinner that night then?"

She thinks for a few moment, "Castle, I don't know. I don't want to do this yet."

"It's just dinner. It can't even be a date since Alexis will be there. And it doesn't have to be anything fancy."

"Okay."

He smiles lightly at her before sipping the rest of his milkshake through his straw. While she takes another bite of her burger, he sticks his straw in her glass, hoping to steal some of her shake.

"What are you doing, Dad?" Alexis asks.

Beckett glares at Castle, who now has her glass halfway to his mouth. "I wasn't done with that yet."

"Oh… would you like it back?" he asks innocently.

"No, you've already tainted it with your straw."

"Would you like a new one?"

She leans over to steal some fries from his plate, "No, I'm good."

They finish up, and the waitress brings their bill. The detective offers them a ride home, their loft only a slight detour for her on her way home, and they all pile into her car.

She pulls up outside their building. Castle remains seated, trying to figure out what to say to her. Alexis opens her door, deciding they need some privacy. "Good night, Detective Beckett. See you upstairs, Dad."

Once his daughter is inside, the writer turns to her. "Kate… are you… have you been… You said you needed to rest. Have you not been sleeping well?"

She refuses to look at him, that in itself answering him.

"How long, Kate?"

"Since her case was opened again," she quietly responds. "Every night… but the two we spent together."

"Kate…"

"Don't, Rick."

"I have to help you."

"No, you don't. It's not your problem to fix."

"Yes, it is. You just said I helped, so let me do it again."

"No," she insists, staring out the window. "I can take care of myself."

"I know you can. But just let me help you, Kate. I hate seeing you like this."

"Then get out of the car and let me go home."

"No," he says, becoming just as stubborn as her. "I'm not getting out of this car until you do. So either you get out here with me, or we go to your place. Your choice."

"No," she snaps, finally turning to face him. A tear is running down her cheek.

"Please, Kate. Don't make drag you inside."

"Touch me and I kill you."

Rick tries not to let his fear show. "I'm serious, Kate."

"So am I." They stare at each other for a full two minutes before she finally speaks again. "I know that you want to help, Castle, but this is something I have to face on my own. If you can't respect that, we're done."

"But you don't have to deal with this alone. I'm here. Let me do everything I can to ease your pain."

"If we keep doing this, it's not going to be innocent anymore. I don't know how much longer I can hold you back."

"So don't. You have to trust me; I'm not going to hurt you, Kate," he reaches over to take her hand. "Just let me in, and I can help you."

Kate bites her lip, "Okay, Castle. But this is the last time until we're actually together."

"We could be together."

She shakes her head, "Please don't push it tonight."

"Whatever you want."

They both get out of the car and make their way up to the loft. Alexis isn't around, so they assume she had gone up to her room to give them some privacy. Kate sinks down on the couch, pulling her knees to her chest and closing her eyes.

After a moment, Castle sits beside her, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. "I would kill this guy for you if I thought it could make things easier for you, Kate."

"It wouldn't. I'd just have to arrest you," she mumbles.

"We wouldn't want that."

"I'd get you out," she repeats her words from so many months ago.

"That's sweet of you, Kate, but don't ruin your own life for my sake."

"Maybe you shouldn't do stupid things then."

He squeezes her shoulder, "So what can I do to make things better?"

"Absolutely nothing is going to fix this, Castle. Not unless you can find a time machine so we can go back to that night."

"If they were real, I'd buy you one. Of course, then you'd go back and change things and we'd probably never meet."

"And what a shame that would be," she gives a soft smile.

"You wound me," he shakes his head sadly. "I honestly don't know how I put up with all this emotional abuse."

She leans her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes, "I'm sure you can handle it."

"Kate?" he asks timidly.

"Yes, Castle?"

"Are you planning on staying here all night long?"

"I'm not going to leave in the middle of the night unless I get called in."

"I meant here on the couch?"

"I'm too comfortable and lazy to move."

"Promise you won't kill me?"

"Why would I kill you?" she asks, still keeping her eyes closed.

He gently puts his arms around her so he can lift her up and carry her to his bedroom. She immediately opens her eyes to see what is going on, but quickly settles back down, content to let him take care of her for the time being.

**A/N: So in case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm pretty sure every one of the chapters of this story ends with them in bed together. Anyway... I'm totally bored and don't want to learn these medical terms for my test next week. I just want it to be tomorrow or Wednesday so I can see my midterm grades in zoology and chemistry. Every question I remember for zoology and look up the answer to, I can't remember whether it's what I put or I know it's not what I put; but the good news is when I look up the chemistry questions, I'm pretty sure I put the right answer. And I can't wait for next week. I just keep watching the video of their kiss over and over. Hopefully I don't have too much homework this week or it's not going to get done. Oh, and I started another story. I've written like five chapters in two days. And I really don't know where it's going to end up; I origianlly only thought of ideas for the first two chapters, but it just keeps coming. So... hope you enjoyed this chapter. More on Thursday probably. Thanks.**


	4. The Shooting

**Chapter 4: The Shooting**

Beckett looks over at Castle, "If I asked you to stay in the car, would you?"

"No."

"Didn't think so," she sighs.

"Don't worry, Kate. I'll stay behind you and won't touch anything."

"I'd still feel better if you'd just stay in the car."

"Look, Kate, if you actually had a reason to be worried, I'd stay in the car. But this isn't even an arrest; we don't even know if this is the right place. And if it is, he might not be there. You shouldn't be worried."

"I would have thought you'd know by now that you can't expect everything to work out."

"I'm going to be fine. You're going to fine. Esposito and Ryan will be fine."

"I know. I just don't like the possibility that something could happen to you."

"And I don't like that you endanger yourself everyday to save other people, but I accept it because it's part of who you are."

She looks in the mirror to see Ryan and Esposito pulling up behind them. Castle follows her out of the car, and they go to the trunk to get their vests. "Just listen to me for once, and don't do anything drastic, Castle."

As Ryan and Esposito join them, she pulls out her gun. "Ready?"

They all nod before heading over to the warehouse. She gives the signal, and Esposito kicks the door in. As they enter, all three cops shout, "NYPD."

Castle, as he had promised, remains behind Beckett and the others, letting them do their job without endangering himself.

"Put your hands above your head," Esposito shouts to the two men in the middle of the room.

The man on the left complies immediately. The other one hesitates, hands half up in front of him.

"Hands in the air," Ryan orders to the second man.

"Easy, easy. We're not doing anything illegal," the man says, slowly lifting his arms higher.

With a glance at Beckett, both detectives start to ease toward the suspects in order to cuff them.

Before any of them can react, the second man, the one who had been reluctant to put his hands up, reaches behind him and pulls out a gun from his waistband. The three detectives turn their guns on him. "Put your guns down, and we'll all walk out of here alive," he demands, no hesitation or fear in his voice.

"That's not going to happen. You put down your weapon. If you really haven't done anything wrong, you'll be free to go," Beckett tries to distract him so that Ryan and Esposito can edge closer.

"What is it you think I've done?"

"We're investigating a murder that was committed yesterday morning."

"I didn't do it."

"Okay. Put your gun down, and we'll talk about this. We'll verify your alibi, and if it clears, you can go. We'll even drop this whole situation. Just lower your weapon," she too edges closer.

"Stop," he shouts, noticing them moving closer. "Or I'll shoot."

Castle wishes he had stayed in the car. Or that he could do something to help. Or just step in front of her so that she wouldn't get shot. But he knows that if their suspect didn't shoot him, she certainly would for getting in the way.

"Shooting one us is only going to make things worse. If you killed him, if it was an accident, we can help you. All you have to do is put the gun down."

None of them notice the first guy, the one that easily complied in putting his hands up, as he slowly lowers his hands and reaches around his back to grab his own weapon. "No," he yells, and before the detectives have even turned their attention to him, he has fired his gun.

Five more gunshots follow, but Castle isn't paying attention to them at all. The first bullet fired had been heading straight toward Beckett, and she is now falling backward. He quickly takes the three steps forward necessary to reach her and catches her before she falls. "Kate? Please don't die on me. Not now after we're so close," he tries not to panic as he lays her down, quickly looking for the wound.

She blinks, "Castle?"

"Thank God. You're not dead. But where we're you hit? We've got to get you help." Without looking up, he yells, "Someone call an ambulance."

"I'm okay, Castle."

"No, you're not. You were just shot," he unvelcroes her vest and pulls it off, still looking for a wound. Upon seeing no blood, he looks confused. "Kate… where were you hit?"

"In the stomach," she says, trying to sit up.

Castle pushes her back down and reaches for the buttons on her shirt in search of a bullet hole, "Stay still."

Beckett pushes his hands away from her and sits up. "I'm fine, Castle. No bullet wound."

"But… you were shot."

She reaches over to grab her vest and locates the bullet still embedded in the vest, "See? It didn't hit me. I'm fine."

"But…" he still looks uncertain.

"The bullet is right there. There's no blood on me. I'm fine."

"Can I… see? I need to be sure." She glares at him. "Humor me, Kate. Please."

With a sigh, she unbuttons her shirt to show him her stomach. "No bullet wound. Happy?"

His frown deepens, having spotted a scar to the right of her belly button, but he nods, appeased that she is not in mortal danger. "I didn't really think those things worked."

"The vests?" she asks, standing.

"Yeah. I thought they were just… decoration."

She shakes her head at him, a slight smile on her face. "If they didn't work, you wouldn't be following me in here, even with that on."

Ryan and Esposito walk over, having subdued their suspects. "You okay, Beckett?"

"I'm fine. You guys?"

"We're good. But they're in a lot of pain," Ryan tilts his head toward their suspects, who each had a bullet wound, one in the leg and the other in the shoulder. "We've got paramedics coming if you want to be looked at."

"I'm good."

"And you, Castle?" Esposito asks, looking over at the writer, who was very pale.

"Fine," he mumbles.

She looks at him for a long moment before turning back to her detectives. "You guys can handle everything in here?" They nod. "We'll be outside. Let me know when the investigative team gets here," she grabs Castle's arm and drags him outside.

"Investigative team?" he looks at her. "You were shot at. You had every right to shoot them back."

"Relax, Castle. We'll be cleared. It's just time and paperwork really. They just have to make sure we're doing our jobs properly."

"Like any cop would just shoot someone for the heck of it."

"It happens, Castle."

He leans back against the wall of the warehouse and looks at his feet silently.

"Rick… what's wrong?" she asks, stepping closer to him than she normally would have at work.

"What do you mean, Kate? You were just shot. Isn't it obvious?" he says bitterly.

Timidly she steps forward until their bodies are pressed together and wraps her arms around him, "Rick, I'm fine."

"But next time you might not be so lucky," he whispers, putting his arms around her to pull her even closer to him and burying his face in her hair.

"Castle…"

"I know it's your job, Kate, but I can't help imagining what could have happened – what could happen any day, at any moment. I could have lost you, Kate."

"But you didn't. I'm not going anywhere."

"Would you have thought this morning that you were going to be shot today?"

"Well… I know it's always a possibility."

"I'm never going to get used to this. I don't want to lose you. I _can't_ lose you, Kate."

Kate pulls back slightly to look at his face. Before she can give it a second thought, she kisses him, letting all of her emotions pour out of her. After the momentary shock, he kisses her back, flipping them around so that she is pressed against the wall. She allows the kiss to last a little longer, hoping to comfort him some, before pulling her lips from his, not wanting anyone to find them like this. "Rick…"

"Please, Kate."

She looks into his eyes before giving a slight nod, "Yes. But we have to get through the rest of my shift first."

Castle smiles, leaning in to kiss her again. Before they can get too involved in each other, her phone vibrates, indicating a text message. She pulls her phone out and shows him Esposito's message: _Stop making out and get in here._ "Do they know?" he asks her timidly, not sure how she would feel about her coworkers finding out.

"Probably not," she gives him one last quick kiss. "So don't give anything away."

Inside two investigators are waiting for them. "Detective Beckett?" one asks, holding his hand out.

She nods and takes it, "And this is Richard Castle. He's following me for his books."

When they are done being questioned, Ryan and Esposito come back over. "We talked to Montgomery. He wants you to take the rest of the day off."

"But I'm fine."

"Take the time off, Beckett," Esposito says firmly.

"Okay," she rolls her eyes at them. "You guys can handle this?"

"Of course. We learned from the best."

"Alright. See you tomorrow, boys. Come on, Castle," she calls, and they head out to her car.

"Where are we going?" he asks once they are seated in her car.

"Where do you want to go?" she looks over at him.

"My place?"

"Won't Alexis be home soon? And Martha?"

"Wait… you said yes… but I honestly thought that meant that you're ready to commit to this, not that you wanted to get in bed with me."

"I don't want to get in bed with you, at least not yet. But some privacy would still be nice, especially since you couldn't keep your hands off of me back there."

"Okay, your place is fine then."

She starts the car and pulls away from the warehouse. Castle desperately wants to reach over and take her hand, but that might cause another life or death situation, and he's not sure he can handle two in one day.

**A/N: One more chapter to go. I'll post it either Sunday or Monday before the new episode. Thanks to everyone who is reviewing.**


	5. The End and the Beginning

**Chapter 5: The End and the Beginning**

She is still staring intently at the murder board when he returns with two cups of coffee. It is almost midnight, and the precinct is empty except for the two of them. "Kate," he says quietly as he approaches.

She turns to accept her coffee before going back to staring at the murder board, "Thanks, Castle."

"You really shouldn't be drinking that at this hour. You'll never get any sleep."

"I won't get any sleep anyway so I might as well stay up and do something useful."

"You're taking this one too personally, Kate." Their case is almost exactly identical to her mother's, the situation almost the same, except this victim had been strangled instead of stabbed. And they had no motive, no physical evidence to link anyone to the crime scene, and no witnesses.

"I can't help it, Castle. All I see is myself. And I can't let what happened to me happen to them. I have to find this guy."

"You will. But you can't do it if you're exhausted. You need rest. Come back to it tomorrow with fresh eyes, and I'm sure you'll find something."

"There is nothing to find, Castle," she snaps. "No one knows anything. There was no reason for her to be murdered. And even if we get a suspect, we have nothing to tie them to the scene; they're going to go free, just like my mom's killer, and there's nothing I can do about it."

"You have me," he says quietly. "We'll solve this the way we solve a lot of our cases. We'll create a story, find the proof that we need, and catch this guy."

"It's not going to work."

"It's worked for us in the past."

"But we had more to work with then; motives, evidence, and witnesses to help us with this story. Now we have nothing."

"Kate, we will find him. And we will find the guy who ordered the hit on your mom."

"No, we won't, Castle. It just doesn't work like that. Now please go home and let me do my job."

"I'm not leaving until you do," he says stubbornly, plopping down in his chair beside her desk to get a little distance between them so that she couldn't take her anger out on him.

"Then you're going to be here a while."

"Why won't you just take a break, Kate? Nobody expects you to solve this case in a day. Get some rest, and when you come back in the morning, everything will suddenly make sense."

"Things don't just magically make sense, Castle. The only way I'm going to solve this is by going over everything again and again."

"That hasn't gotten you too far on your mother's case," he responds quietly, knowing it would anger her.

As he expected, she turns her glare on him, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm just saying that you've been going over your mother's case again and again for eleven years. Until recently, it didn't get you too far. Someday you'll catch the guy. And someday you'll catch the guy that killed this woman for no apparent reason."

"At this rate, it's not likely," Kate sighs, sitting down in her own chair.

"Maybe it's the same guy. Maybe you'll catch him and solve both cases at once. And probably a whole bunch of other murders that have gone unsolved until now."

"Possibly… but why strangle this one? My mom was stabbed to death."

"Well, you killed Coonan. The MO changed when he got a different hit man. Maybe he's trying to send a message to you by killing this woman almost exactly the way your mother was killed."

"Please, Castle…" she puts her heads in her hands. "Don't say that. I really don't want to feel more guilty right now."

"I'm sure that's not the case, Kate. It was just something that came to mind."

"I wouldn't put it past him to do that, but… I'd rather not think that until we know it's true."

Castle looks around the bullpen, triple checking that everyone else had left, before placing his hand on her arm, "Kate, I know this is hard for you. But please give it a rest until morning. You're going to get yourself killed if you keep going like this."

She looks up and, seeing the sincerity and concern in his eyes, concedes. "Okay."

"Thank you," he whispers, standing to help her put her coat on.

"Can you… stay with me tonight? I need you with me."

"Sure."

"And Alexis won't mind? She'll be okay by herself?"

"Mother is home with her, and I've called them to explain that we're investigating a difficult case so I might not make it home tonight."

She nods, "Thanks."

He places a hand on her back as they head to the elevator, and once outside, he tries to hail a cab for them, but she stops him. "I want to walk," she says at his questioning look.

"Okay." In the ten blocks to her apartment, he manages to get his arm around her without her causing him physical pain. She pulls out her key and opens her apartment door, letting him inside. "Have you eaten anything lately?" he asks.

"The sandwich you brought me at one and some M&Ms. But I'm not hungry right now." He tries to protest, but she places a finger against his lips, "We'll eat in the morning. You can take me out to breakfast or make breakfast or whatever you want to do."

He sighs but does not voice his protest. "To bed then?"

Instead of answering, she takes his hand and leads him to her bedroom. Castle follows willingly but is shocked to find himself pressed against her now shut bedroom door moments later. "Kate…" he starts, but her lips are on his before he can continue. He lets her have control for a few minutes, knowing that she needed it after her long day, and then flips them so she is the one pressed against the door. His lips leave hers so that he can trail down to her neck. Her hands find the buttons on his shirt and start to undo them.

Suddenly he pulls away from her. Shock is etched on her face as she looks at him. "Kate… I don't want to do this. I don't want to take advantage of you just because you need to feel some sort of connection after a bad case. I want this to be because we love each other."

"Rick…" she closes her eyes. After a few seconds, she continues, "This isn't just about the case. You have to know that by now."

"Would we really be doing this right now if it wasn't for this case?"

"Probably not. But we've been together for two weeks, and we've known each other for over two years. Quite frankly I'm kind of surprised we lasted this long."

"I just want our first time together to be special, to be about us, not some case you're working on."

Finally, Kate looks up to meet his gaze. "Okay, Castle."

He looks somewhat shocked at how easily she had given in, "Okay?"

"We'll wait."

He leans in to give her one last kiss before whispering, "You really need to get some rest now."

"And you'll still stay?"

"Of course."

She gives him a soft smile and pulls him over to the bed.

**CB**

"Beckett," she answers her phone the next morning. Esposito fills her in on their latest crime scene, and by the time she hangs up, Castle is awake and staring at her.

"Good morning, Detective," he smiles. She hugs him tighter. "Shouldn't you be getting ready to go solve another mystery?"

"No," she mumbles. He waits for her to elaborate. "You were right, Castle. He's baiting me. He wants me to come after him. And he's going to keep murdering innocent people because I'm not good enough to find him."

"What happened?" he asks quietly, rubbing her back.

"They found another woman killed this morning. Same MO as the one yesterday… and same as my mother. Except he left me a note this time."

"I would've thought you'd be all over this case."

"Montgomery's at this scene; he'll take care of things there. I supposed to meet them in a couple hours at the precinct to discuss our next move."

"What did the note say?"

"I don't know."

"Kate… this isn't your fault. You're going to find him and put a stop to all of this."

"I don't know, Rick. I don't know how much of this I can take. He's killing all because of me, and I have no clue how to stop him."

"Put a bullet through his head," Castle says bitterly.

She lifts her head from his chest to look at him, "We have to find him before that can happen. And… I don't know if I can even face him. Plus I'm sure he's got some big plan to evade arrest or to take as many people down with him as he can."

"I'm going to be there for you, Kate, every step of the way. If you need anything at all, just let me know."

"Rick, I know I said we could do breakfast this morning but…"

"I understand. I'll bring you and the guys something when I get there."

"Thanks."

"No problem. This is way more important than us having breakfast together."

She sighs, "I suppose I should get up now."

When she tries to pull away and get out of bed, Castle tightens his grip on her. She looks down at him questioningly. "Can I get a kiss?"

Kate acquiesces with a small smile.

**CB**

"No."

"I have to."

"Absolutely not."

"If I don't, he's going to keep killing."

"You're not going."

"I can't have this on my conscious, Castle. There are already three dead people because of me."

"I'm not going to let you walk in there and get killed."

"I'm not going to get killed."

"If you go in there alone, you will. And I can't deal with losing you."

"It's my job. I can't let more innocent people die because you don't want me to go in there."

"I'm going to go talk to Montgomery about this."

"He already approved of it," Kate says defiantly. "There's nothing you can do to stop me."

He grabs her forearms, holding them tightly so she couldn't get away from him. She glares at him. "You really expect me to believe that Montgomery approved of you walking in there to your death?"

"No. But it doesn't matter what he thinks because it's my life and I have to do something to stop him."

"There has to be something else, Kate, something we're missing that will lead us to him without you dying."

"We've been over everything, Castle. This is our only chance."

"No. I will handcuff you to me if I have to. You're not going in there."

Esposito and Ryan walk into the break room where they are fighting. Castle immediately lets go of her arms. "What's going on?" Ryan asks cautiously.

"She thinks she's going to go meet him," the writer says, his eyes not leaving her.

"Castle!" she yells in frustration.

"Beckett?" Esposito looks at her in shock. "Montgomery said no. We're with him and Castle. You're not going."

She shakes her head at them, giving them all a death glare, but remains silent.

"Anyway, we think we might have something," Ryan hands her a file. "We've got teams ready to go check it out."

Beckett looks over the file, her mouth slightly open in shock. They're all looking at her expectantly. "Okay… let's go pick him up."

**CB**

Castle is sitting at her desk, having waited patiently for her while she talked to the victim's families. When she walks over, he quickly gets out of her chair. "Sorry, I…" he stops, realizing he didn't have an excuse. She doesn't even seem to notice him as she sits down at her desk, turning her chair to stare at the murder board. He slowly sinks down into his chair beside her, "You okay?"

For a moment, she doesn't move, and he thinks that she hasn't heard him as she seems lost in her thoughts. She eventually shakes her head. "Telling a family that one of their loved ones is gone is one of the hardest things I do. But having to them that they their loved one was killed because of me is… a hundred times worse. And they didn't even seem angry at me when I explained everything to them."

"Kate," he reaches out to take her hand but drops his, realizing that the precinct is still full of people. "I'm sorry that it had to happen like this."

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have done anything differently."

"Neither could you."

"I could have chosen not to shoot."

"If you hadn't, you could have been killed. Or Ryan or Esposito or any other officer. You did the right thing," he tries to assure her.

"I… know. But it doesn't feel right. So many innocent lives were taken. I just wish it hadn't happened like this. I wish that he hadn't killed those three people to bait me, that he was still out there."

"He would've killed more people before he eventually met his downfall, Kate."

"I just… I want to know why all of this happened. And he's dead so now we'll never know," she fights hard to keep the tears inside.

"It's been a long day, Kate. Why don't we head home?" he offers, knowing she was going to break down soon and not wanting her to be embarrassed in front of her coworkers.

She hesitates before nodding and standing up to put her coat on. Together they walk over to the elevator. Once the doors have shut, she leans up to kiss his cheek, "Thank you, Rick."

He wraps his arms around her, pulling her close. "Why don't you come back to my place? Mother had a play and then she was going out with some of the other actors, said she wouldn't be home tonight, and Alexis was having a sleepover with one of her friends. We'll have the place to ourselves."

"I'd like that," she says quietly.

"And I have alcohol if you want to get incredibly drunk and forget about this terrible day."

"Alcohol sounds good too."

"And I promise no funny business."

"I don't know about that one…"

"We can bend the rules if need be."

Kate doesn't have a response to this and is content to just be with him. He hails a cab, and half an hour later they are pulling up outside his building. With a hand on her back, he leads her inside. Once upstairs, he helps her remove her coat before going to get them both a drink. She is curled up on the couch when he returns, handing her a glass of wine.

"I don't feel any different," she whispers, then drains half of her glass. "I thought I'd be relieved… happy… whole… when it was over. But… I just feel worse than before."

"You'll get there, Kate. It'll take some time. Some days will be worse than others. Your mother was a big part of your life, and now that you've got the guy that did it, you can start to heal again, but the scar will always be there," he takes her hand.

She takes another sip of her drink, "I'm not even sure I want to be a detective anymore."

Castle tries his best not to show his surprise, "Why not? You're so good at it. Think of all the murderers out there that you still have to catch."

"There will always be murderers out there, Castle. Any other cop can find them just as well as I can. It's just… now that her case is closed, I feel like there's no point."

"Of course there's a point. You help bring people justice, you help bring families answers, and you put killers behind bars. There are still people out there that could use your help."

"I can't help everyone."

"No, but think of all the case you've solved. Hundreds, maybe even thousands. And you've touched so many lives."

"Do they really care? I mean, finding the killer doesn't bring your loved one back."

"Kate…" he says gently, now realizing what is wrong. "You brought closure to many families. Knowing that the killer is behind bars helps, but nothing anyone can do will bring someone back from the dead."

"I know. I just… miss her. I wish she could be here."

He puts his arms around her and pulls her close. The tears streak down her cheeks before being absorbed by his shirt. They sit silently like that for a long time until her tears subside. "Kate… maybe you should call your dad, let him know what's happened," he says softly, not wanting to surprise her.

"Yeah… I guess I should," she pulls her phone out and wipes at her eyes.

"I'll just go in my office and give you some privacy," he offers, trying to get up.

She doesn't let him, "Stay here."

"It's really not my place."

"No, I want you here. And you've met him, Rick. He told me… a couple weeks ago when I called him to tell him we hit another dead end… he said that he thinks you're good for me."

"Really?" Rick gives her a soft smile.

"Yes," she hits the send button and holds the phone up to her ear before leaning against him again. "Hey, Dad. No, everything's fine. Well, for the most part."

Castle can't hear her father's side of the conversation, but he can tell that the man is worried about her daughter. He absently rubs her arm as she talks.

"I'm fine, Dad. Really," she tries to assure him, but the writer, being a father himself, knows that this doesn't really do much. "That sounds fine. Yes, I'll let him know. See you Saturday."

"You're meeting your dad?"

"Saturday for lunch. He said I could bring you."

"Oh, I couldn't intrude."

"You wouldn't be."

He shrugs, "Maybe."

"You could bring Alexis."

"You want to introduce my daughter to your father?"

"…Yes."

"I'm honored."

"You've already met him so you can't exactly do the whole official meeting thing," she smirks.

"Too bad. But if I ever want to marry you, I'd still have to do the whole awkward thing."

"Or not," she shrugs. "I think he's already given his permission for anything to happen between us."

"He could take that back now that we actually are together."

"He won't. You're definitely one of the more acceptable guys I've dated and let him meet."

"Ooh, story time," he smiles excitedly.

"Nope. Unless you wanted to tell me a story…"

"I'd be delighted, Detective, if that's what you want."

"I actually have something better in mind for tonight," Kate lifts her head off his shoulder, smiling before leaning forward to give him a gentle yet passionate kiss. "Rick… I love you."

Castle can't stop the smile that adorns his face, "I love you too, Kate."

**A/N: I am so excited for tomorrow. Hopefully classes aren't too bad because I'm not going to be able to concentrate at all. And hopefully my roommate doesn't come back while I'm in the middle of watching the episode. Anyway, I've got one more story done, and I'm almost done with a second. I'll probably start posting one towards the end of the week. So... please review and give me your final thoughts on this story. Thanks again.**


End file.
